1. |
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What you do before you sleep is who you really are
Routine is killing me
Pathways shut off
Fate is set
Wake up
Today lies years away
Be still
Feel the calm of the white morning air
An unknowing optimist
Sweeping through the fog
Nudged forth through the door
Enter the dome of white lights and follow through
My eyes could see
My passion looking down on me
Stuttered speech
Mythos encrypted
Let it be known
No man is free of the pride
that binds him to his feet
Abuse that which is given
And fall to discipline’s demise
Set back after glory
In time hands move back
after sitting stagnant
Structure unsowed
Monastery of mind collapses
This path seems endless
Rotting slowly, my will
A slave to the voice inside
Fall down
lower than where I began
It’s foolish
Live for the mind to pretend
In this field
where you gave a final line
In the midst of lies
empathy was left behind
Sorry for the transparency
I’ve lost energy for language so flowery
I would rather kiss your lips
than flattery through faux poetry
Please never tell
Let it die with us
Things unknown are worth living for
How could you not see me burning?
A corpse’s harp pulls strings
Gives voice to yearning
In night,
I was bound by emission
Under sunlight,
I found remission
Ghostly sirens and red hues
Nocturnal I am
Drawn to these shackles and visions
Attached to this comfort that’s killing
I await the sun to drown
I await no one
This peace I have forged
This piece I have painted from scratch
And so I wrote a poem to conceive
Eyes closed
She’s there waiting for me
She’ll wear your face
She’ll bare your name
Emit your flame from the rim of her iris
Play the tape of your final words
Engrave them in her heart
Keep them mine for a life to come
I’m feeling hazy
Bristles dance hastily
Resurrection on canvas
Welcome home
Another white morning in a world she knows
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2. |
Pale
10:59
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There goes the heron that sits at the shore
Awaiting to feed on a helpless bird
Ten foreign trees towered up above me
This scene before my eyes was one I’ve not seen
Suddenly I felt a stare from behind
In naivety and innocence
I turned back my head
Clothed in white, she stood there
With one subtle look
I was put on the path to my end
Transparent woman
in brush strokes so pale
Moonlight came forth
through creases of her hair
that fell to her knees
In angelic grace
she now came toward me
With each step she took
my dead heart was struck
I know this face.
Her lips moved,
yet her voice was mute
Still I knew
Aria was her name
This world, her womb
“I know your heartache
I’ll mend your pain
Absolve your sins
Free your shame
I’ve waited here
forever for your love
to come set me free
I’ve grown as you’ve grown
I’ve been with you in sleep
since it all began”
The water rose in liquid pillars up to the sky
Beware, instinct told me life’s a place to leave alone
But, you shocked me out of my being
I came from the heartless place
Now here’s your face
I’m safe
Red love swelling deep in my chest
Shame lives in me
Shame went to deep
Shame haunts my sleep
Shame will not let me breathe
You found me where it rains
Our pigment came undone
If this is what you are
You and I
Meet eyes and we merge
This sanguine songs masks desperation
Another day gone,
still nothing has come
Wandering through the memories
from our dreamscape
I write to know that it’s real
Page after page,
all is blank
Journal for love became
loose notes of hate
Fate is fake
Beliefs are traced
Believe me, please
My thoughts loop back in a voice that’s yours
And now I’m lost here with you
Lost, fading youth
Lost without truth
Lost here with you
Falling deep in a world no one else can reach
Drifting off in sleep that will grant me peace
Birth a thought and the thought comes forth and breathes
I’m in love with a dream and it feels too real
There lies the heron dead at the shore
The ocean swallows
The ocean dissolves
Sky folds it’s self
as my vision is blurred
We say goodbye
Colors fade to pale
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3. |
Aria
13:41
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I dove into the sea
Submerged in life’s disharmony
She’s waiting there, there for me
How could I fall into perpetual bliss with you, Aria?
Years escaped in your absence
Now we dance on a shore of dead memories
Aria’s heart is my home
This is Aria’s woe
Seductress of belief
Hedonist’s felicity
I lived in abhorrence
But now I know
Love lies here in Aria’s arms
Trust me now
I want your pain
Lust succumbed
I won’t give in
Lost in you
I never knew
Loving you is all I’d ever...
She’s trapped in vacuity
No light, no dark
The sun will never come
The moon will never fall
If I awake, she will die
She will die
Faceless,
I found her silhouette traced in linings of ethereal light
She found me,
Burning in sticks by the sea
I’d hoped she’d see
She told me
“I want to be absent in air.
Set me free.”
Contorted,
the face of a goddess in melancholia
“An answer lies with you,
to be found in shade.”
It all ends the same
Open my eyes to a sky of grey
How vulnerable I have been
to relive this again
It all repeats
The burning sheets
Humiliation from smiling screens
Windows that taunt with transparency
Undress my soul
Inhale deep the dust that ends my sleep
Move slow because the clock just woke
Clouds fill the void as smoke gets blown
The sun coughs up light into my room
Cherry coffin soaking in my wounds
Somehow your face glows bright inside this tomb
You’re sick and thin
Take off your clothes
Lay down your head
You and I know
you and I need
what we each can be
It’s getting late
When the night falls
We meet our fate
Whether it’s real
Whether it’s fake
It won’t change a thing
Lie motionless
Senses awake, dead or alive
Alone I am, alone I feel
Show me what I must be
Gift me the lost key
Aria, wait
Aria, please
Aria, dream with me
It’s your scent I want
It’s your taste I crave
Through love we made this space
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4. |
Moon Lust Delirium
09:15
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Paralyzed
My eyes open with my limbs beside me
Confined to this bed
Next to me a figure stands, crying
I am stuck in my mind
On this morning I thought I had died
I felt a stranger’s thoughts inside me
I crave your everything
Your perfect imperfections
Touch you, taste you
In our world of fake truth
Whisper your name
Your lips brushing my lobe
Half here, half there
I’ll live for this lie
It’s clearer than life
Hands gripped
Tongues break the seal
Trust is bargained, then given
To be young is to surrender to fear
Falling deeper and deeper in
Worry not
There’s still time to right my wrongs
Reverse the past and project me forth
Into a body that makes me whole
Love awaits and will bloom from this crucible
Sweating inside this cold room
It’s empty, yet I am not alone
Behind me, I saw a face from a dream
Delirium wrapped her legs around me
Echoes retrieve your voice
Bouncing off the walls into my soul
I love you
There’s nothing wrong you could do
Accusations suffocate those who follow
She who vacuums the clouds
from the mind’s sky
Let them pass
Feel them leave
Now power is surging
A freedom is born
Passion eternal
Pressure running deep in my head
from the stranger inside of me
Deep touch warps my feelings
Warps my world
Makes me sick
I warship what I once disdained
In each passing thought is a plague
A paradox
The act of waking up and working towards anything
And so I sleep and wait for the blow
And then I scream for help
But there’s no one to find me
The shadow has grown
The shadow engulfs these six walls
I cannot speak
I do not have a voice
Another night
Another stranger
In my bed
In my head
I poison myself to believe I’m inside of you
Lights flicker off, flicker on
The ditch grew and somewhere things went wrong
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5. |
The Persecution Complex
11:26
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God in rapture
God enraptured by love for you
Frail, God fell to his knees
Feeble, fragile
“Are you alone?”
Whispered voices
Kept secrets
Eyes stare so cold
I’ll vanish
I lay my body
I close my eyes and plead to end my life
Then I await
Remain
I pray that there is something
How can we love if you are not here?
How can we touch if you are not real?
I lay by a river
In peace
Looked up
She’s there
I’ve had enough
So, I awoke
I rose
Held hope
But there was nothing
Wait.
For what?
How long will it take
to understand her role in my world
There must be something
Wait.
For what?
How long will this go on?
Obsession fails to explain this void
I’m lost
There is nothing
Imposter
You lied
Ignominious shaming for a smile
I hear the tones of your voice melding,
characteristically blind
You’d have known that there would come this time
Now I hate all that I am
I weighed myself down with rocks in the riverbed
I like the torture of kissing the surface
Are you happy now
I question the past and every scene of life
That brought me to this cessation
It all comes back to you
Born sinner
Pure hearts inborn to burn
Heaven in flames saw the cremation of God
They’ll never know the pain
My heroine died the day that I saw her smile
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Dessiderium Phoenix, Arizona
Solo project of Alex Haddad.
Other bands featuring this artist:
Arkaik
Atheist
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