Rain Gates

by Dessiderium

supported by
Marshall Lochbaum
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Marshall Lochbaum Blackened melodic metalcore or whatever. ANYWAY, the last time anyone put together a collection of ten-minute songs this well-written and dynamic was Opeth's Morningrise. Favorite track: The Earthworm's Eye View.
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about

Music written between the years of 2010-2013

credits

released March 5, 2017

All music and words written and recorded by Alexander Haddad
Mixed and Mastered by Cameron Boesch
Artwork by Danielle Masek at PixelCore / Art and Design

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license

all rights reserved

about

Dessiderium Tempe, Arizona

Solo project of Alexander Haddad.

Other bands featuring this artist:

Nullingroots
Depraved Heretic

contact / help

Contact Dessiderium

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Track Name: City Beneath Lake
To hold and feel
beyond what’s real
Reject the light, shield out the sun
the sun that kills the dark

Obsessed with all that never was
my deterioration ever grew
Born, and addiction to despair

why can’t I feel ok?

I search my past in desperate hope to find my roots of pain
I realize it every time my, perception is the birth of my hate that I feel for this world and every breathing being
So how can one be happy knowing joy is an illusion of the mind

If joy is born from suffering than pain is all that’s real
I beg to fate to send my way a figure that can heal
But every time I open up I am met with disgust
What I speak is foreign to the one who stares directly through me

I dreamt a thousand ways to end it all
Can never bring myself to fall
Step down, I gaze at the ground
and contemplate what could have been
I’ve always felt this way since yesterday
Of flirting with the unknown place, I’ll meet with open embrace
Until then I’m trapped inside

This life, burning inside
How could I succumb to what destroys me evermore
Dismal thoughts manifest the brain
A product of a project, chemically controlled
The recognition of my assembly leaves me disturbed
Programmed instinctual emotions
I am nothing but a pulse

To hold and feel
Beyond what’s real
Reject the light, shield out the sun
And never let it….

Inside

Lights glow where you can’t see them
In deep water they allure me
Please guide me there
To the city beneath the lake

I will wait for you forever
I won’t let you go
Please don’t join me for solace
I will come to you

The rain will come and flood tomorrow
The rain will wash away the sorrow
It’s a feeling from you to me that brings me home again,
at peace again

Once again it comes
The goes then comes
The cycle enslaves me

Burning
Loveless
Fading
My sun within the dark

Obsessed with all that never was
My deterioration grew endless
Lost, the aptitude to feel

Why can’t I feel a thing?
Track Name: Rain Gates
This is where it begins,
In the golden home made of brick
Where you’ll always be

I thought by now you’d run away
Off to an unknown distant place,
Where you’d be free
You’re trapped inside the yellow house
Your silenced voice would come to sound
Where the rain gates heal


Screams stuck in the walls
No sound will ever escape this place
No one will ever know

You are the flood,
I see from the window
Nobody seems to know
The sun will drown for you,
The flood


Take the bones to the shed you built,
with your hands and your guilt and all that you hate
There’s a murderer (in here)
And I’ll love him forever

Dreams were raped, character set ablaze
in this room where I’d stay and swallow the flames
I am dead (in here)

And now we wait…
Wait

Erase who I am,
(who am I?)
I’m the hate that birthed this family

I don’t know the reasons why you are the way you are but I know for myself
(Is this your life?)

How don’t you know?
(Don’t you know?)
I’m the face of all that you never were
Hand on the neck, belt choke, burn the skin
just please don’t leave me alone

Is this your life?

(Hold me)
It seems I’ll never go
Always in your arms
In your hands, the source of love glows
Under your eyes, I feel ok

The clouds call me home
The roof waves to the hilltop
I see my shadow drowning
And falling from the leaves
I found you at the gates
Where have you been?


I see the morning after
Next to me, inevitably
I call out in the rain:
Take me

I thought by now you’d run away
Off to an unknown distant place,
Where you’d be free
You’re trapped inside the yellow house
Your silenced voice would come to sound
Where the rain gates heal

Hate is all I am, it’s from the pain you gave
Hate is all I am, it’s from the pain you gave to me

The final moment comes to tell
With one last breath in the golden home
This is where you’ll always be

You are the flood
Track Name: The Earthworm's Eye View
Tearing the roots from the core
Burning my flesh in this immortal life
I am becoming a shadow
Abandon the light to merge with the night
Erupting from my human shell
There is nothing that could have prepared me
Leaving my body at the door
Stepping out, unknowing I'd ever return

Consuming greed and embracing the hate
Falling deeper in this world of decay
See who I am and I fall to my knees
Drowning in thoughts as there's collapsing reality

I swallowed the guilt by the foreign forces
unknown to the protected mind
Dreaming the past, thoughts like knives
I never knew I could succumb to this

The _ _ _ _ _ of April knew all I was

Failing, guilted, weakness,
Falling in the void
Hopeless, falling, dying alone
Dreamless, heartless, mindless,
Following an impulse
Soulless, drowning, dissolving alone


Their faceless,
shadows from the netherworld
Malicious,
they mock, they're threatening me
Encrypted in their concealed speech,
in secret, they hold the senses of my contempt

It's brightening, a glow from the sky
The shadows have healed with words of awakening truth

Ripping the flesh off my soul
Cleansing the being whose been locked away
Surrender my fate to the Gods
Begging for guidance to the stars above

The source enveloped me
I fell to my knees
I cried to the shadows for mercy
I looked at my shell from a pair of foreign eyes,
and saw where I went when I died
Track Name: Enter Green
Dreaming of something but nothing is all that you are
Faces come and they go and they're gone and they'll never return
You can run but can not be free
In this vessel you'll always be
Until you enter the green

Breathe in, merging with the air
Breathe out, dimming of light
Lost in color,
what do you see?

Worshipping something but nothing is all that you are
Dreams will come and they'll go and they'll die never to be reborn
Holding time in the fragile palm of a hand on a broken arm
Is green all that you are?

Setting ablaze a thought from a memory
Burning my shadows to ashes in the soil
Kill all that I am, I am the enemy
Growing from beneath, sprouting roots of hate

There is a place where the mind is everything
Tapping into this dreamscape of truth
I see that you are not the enemy,
Reborn in the light, the rise of the sun

Searching for something in the air
Waiting for a still time to approach me
In the darkened corners of the world
Mind and soul shared an eclipse of shadowed life
Erasing all that I am, can this body host a freshly born mind
I once thought the portal to the past,
was the haven and heaven where I'd be

The silent creek and the voice of the air
When I close my eyes at last
I see you in a scene from the past
A smile of health, I love all you are

Will you be there in the dream park?
When I close my eyes and enter the green
Track Name: Autumn, Everlast
Detached from present time,
a forward moving past
Reaching for memories
The time is dead and gone,
but there's a photograph
It captured everything,
a still eternity
Deep in the Autumn orange
beneath the dead leaves,
there is a world that breathes
life into memory
I saw your silhouette,
and I remember it
I tried to let go but time would not let me so

The sky was a pale dusk portrait
The air carried the voices of the field
In my young dreams,
I'd soar above this dim reality
I'd fly into the corners of my mind

Embrace your yearning
You are...

And now the world cares not for my desire
I weep alone,
something has died in me
And for my dead lost dreams,
for my forgotten memory,
and for all I'd loved,
absent inside of me

A final stanza,
for the picturesque past that will never
fade into the dark corners of the world
Somewhere out there,
there is preserved,
moments in the autumn orange
Track Name: Queen of Glass
White air, good morning
A first breath for those who cannot sleep
I dreamt pictures of you
A still face before the sunlight kills my picture of you
And you’re gone like everything else in this dying time
The candle fades, it’s July forever

I remember, but it’s gone

These burning pictures of you
Not sure if you’re alive out there
I’ve been dead for years
An apparition drifting in air

Please remember when I’m gone
I’ll remember when you’re gone

In the gray mist that lies amid the black pulses of the rhythm of heart
An image of your face, a trace of your voice
Stretches throughout the distorted oblivion in the darkening shadows of remembrance
Held at the throat by nostalgias fist
In a black hole in space there’s cemented bliss forever

I’m living out the days through glass
I know that this world does not return the time that decays
I wake and I breathe and I sleep and repeat
I know but can only hope there’s a sun beyond the damned

Breathe what’s in your mind, and be my sanctuary

Purple paint drips at the milk white nape
Freckled stars on the pale sky’s morning
The universe in longing mirrors you
A million words shattered at your feet

Finally rid myself of your disease
The queen of glass, a new reality
Through the window staring into her eyes
I swear a reflection waved goodbye


I feel you in every breath and see you in all that I do
You are the air and the ash, the fire and the water
Reject me from heaven’s gates, kill me alone, it’s ok
In every word, every place, there’s a picture of…
Track Name: Ada Incarnate
Her face, my eyes
and our reflection in the mirror
Dream space, warped time
I found you in a dead place
Hills burn, lights fade
Hope dims in the shadow world
Reach up, breathe in
Drowning in oxygen

And I’d hear, you ask
“Why are you not alive?”
I can’t explain the reason I’d like to die

Dream waits, dream’s late
I’m resting in your arms
awake, alone,
you’re nowhere to be found
Kill me now

There is a world where I can breathe, there is a world where I am awake
It’s never here and now, only in dead time from the past
and in your gaze I’d see, everything that I would become

Look up and solemn swear
I will find you in a crevice of space
How many sleepless nights,
I would try to inscribe you in ink
Ceaseless pages filled,
I wrote the words but they could not conceive
A goddess of melancholia is my hollowness


And if, once more I meet you in my sleep
Swallow the pill,
never to wake again


In a white room, there was no place that I’d rather be
Across from me, there was a face I saw in a dream
She looked up, ineffable eyes under frozen streams
I am not here, I am in limerence there with you
When I die, I will break through the gates of time
In search of the morning that killed the world
I woke up and would never sleep again
Forever this goes
On your headstone waits a million songs

You’re a vessel for all that I need to love
You’re timeless,
A portrait of you weeps up from above
the rainfall escapes heaven to kiss your skin,
you are boundless

A thousand words only paints your lips
A melody is all that you are
Into my arms, you fell and dropped dead
Now I burn
Burning pictures of you

Ashes, falling from above

And once inside
I woke up and was born
There you were
A vessel, a paragon
The personification of my hate
The embodiment of my love
A figment of imagination
Your existence led me to escape the world
Tomorrow never comes
And yesterday was the world
When our skin melts, we can finally meld
Forever one, forever at peace
In a world with no oxygen